The Lifespans of Elves

One of the more disagreed upon rules that crop up in a lot of old-school OSR/TSR games is based around demihuman level limits. Some of these arguments are from a game balance perspective (which is its own can of worms), but I find the more odious justification is based around the lifespan of the demihumans in question.

The argument goes something like this:

"Elves and dwarves live so much longer than humans that they would have to gain XP slower and hit a cap. If they advanced at the same rate as humans, then the setting will be dominated by elves and dwarves of god-like power. After all, if humans can hit level 14 in their meager lifetimes, what could an elf do with a couple hundred years to blow adventuring?"

It's one of those arguments that makes a good deal of sense at first blush, but for a number of reasons I've never put much stock in it.

The first is that NPCs are not PCs. Older versions of the game don't bother to treat NPCs with the same kind of care and logistics that we treat PCs with in the first place. OD&D claims that for every 50 elves encounered in a group, one of these will have "above normal" capabilities. Normal being "something other than a 1HD creature." It then asks you to roll some dice to determine its magic and fighting levels. According to the AD&D monster manual "For every 20 elves in a band, there will be one with above average fighting ability (2nd, or 3rd level). For every 40 elves encountered, there will be one with this fighting ability plus a 1st or 2nd level magic-user ability." The important takeaway here is that the majority of elves you bump into aren't adventurers in the same way that the majority of humans you bump into aren't adventurers. PCs are level 1 characters in a level 0 world.

The second is that prior to AD&D2e, the main source of experience for characters was gold. This has some very important implications. The first and most obvious being that you don't get XP just for living a very long time. Even elves have to go out there and schlep their dainty arses through the same mud and blood and bog that the rest of us adventuring folk have to and put themselves in just as much danger for every experience point earned.

The second and more profound implication is that assumption that the reason for adventuring is to get rich. You are out there to acquire treasure. The game is explicitly about going out into the unknown in search of gold. A funny thing happens over time, however. The richer you are, the harder it is to justify schleping your ass into some gods-forsaken cave where something is certainly bound to try to eat you. You already have more gold than you could possibly spend. This is actually built into the endgame of D&D as well. There is an assumption in early editions that you'd eventually start to settle down in a region, build a stronghold, acquire followers, and begin to play on a more regional level rather than a personal one. Your actions play out on a broader stage. At this point, it takes a lot more gold to convince you that it's worth putting your life in danger and hoards of that size are few and far between. You reach a natural equilibrium at a certain point and eventually retire from adventuring to manage other things.

The TL;DR of this is that it's easy to ignore the "elven lifespan" problem simply by arguing that even with their longer lifespan there is no reason to assume that their adventuring careers would be any longer than any other races. After all, what is the likelihood of Bill Gates coming out of retirement to work a hotdog stand any time soon? 

Waxing on Gaming Autobiographica

I first started playing RPGs by hacking together a functional game out of just what I could glean from the AD&D1e DMG. I later moved into Alternity, Cyberpunk, and then I was all over the place. Back then, I played games the way most people did—or maybe still do—without a hell of a lot of thought about design, "creative agendas" or any of that.

My big shift came when I discovered The Riddle of Steel. It was in many ways, unlike anything I'd ever seen. It completely challenged my ideas of what role-playing was or could be, how games should be run. The combat system was like nothing I'd ever seen. I had already been a major history nerd, but it was through TROS that I'd developed a love of HEMA and all that was entailed. I was too late to the party to be around when The Forge was kicking hornet's nests, but damned if I didn't pursue The Riddle.

The next big shift came for me in discovering Burning Wheel. This was nowhere near the paradigm shift that TROS was, but it was perhaps the clearest demonstration I've ever had of the idea that "system matters." In both my own Burning Wheel experiments and those I've watched/listened to (I have a weird fascination with actual play recordings) I've gained a huge appreciation for how the system influences and informs play.

At that point in my life, I don't think you would've been able to convince me to play D&D if you paid me. My few attempts to experiment with it again were... painful. My experiences with 3.x and pathfinder were abysmal. When 4th edition came out, I couldn't even finish my read of the player's handbook. Striker? Defender? Controller? Ugh. I couldn't get past the terminology. In my mind, it immediately left me thinking about MMOs. Would we be drawing aggro and baiting spawn points next? This is without touching that the game designated which classes were "leaders" of the party (we'll decide who leads our party among ourselves, thank you). Making this impression even worse, I watched Chris Perkins DM a 4e game on youtube. It was a four-hour session which took place entirely on a battle map. It started with the party in the dungeon with some exposition to put them there, followed by three or four combats interspersed with a couple skill challenges. Read: someone had to throw some dice at something. It took them four hours to run four fights. I wouldn't be playing 4th edition. (Later, I did actually come to appreciate it as a kind of combat-based dungeon crawling board game, I just wouldn't want to run it as a D&D game.)

The next weird step in my gaming evolution was encountering the practically unheard of Chronica Feudalis. This was a system I found so interesting and hackable that it actually prompted me to start blogging about it. The original blog those took place on has long-since been abandoned, though I've migrated several of the most interesting posts here. Oddly enough, one of which is in my "Popular nonsense" stuff on the sidebar, making it my number 2 most all-time viewed post. I guess someone out there has heard of this stuff after all.

What struck me most about CF was just how flexible it actually was. The structure of the wounds and maneuvers system gave me nearly as cinematic and bloody combat as I was getting from TROS (or, by this time, Song of Steel -- the game that would eventually be rebranded as Band of Bastards). Was it meant to be used in such a bloody faction? I have no idea, but some of the most bloody and cinematic combats I've ever played were in a hacked version of Chronica Feudalis.

Perhaps the most radical departure for me in this was just how simple it actually was, by comparison. How quickly it played and how little effort as a GM it took to run. I can safely blame Higgins for introducing the game to me. I had previously been playing a great deal of Savage Worlds specifically because it was relatively simple for players to wrap their head around. When I'd argued for SW to be a relatively rules-light game (how naive I was!) Higgins scoffed and rightly put me in my place. He may have been nicer than that, but I certainly remember there was scoffing.

This is when I bumped into the OSR movement for the first time. I had already had a lot of fond memories of AD&D as a kid. For whatever reason, I never really mentally categorized those experience into the same box as my encounters with 3.5 or 4e D&D. They seemed like completely different kinds of games. It wasn't until I started getting into the OSR scene that I understood why.  They were  fundamentally different types of games. Whatever one might say about indie games and The Forge, the whole culture will get you thinking about how games are designed and played, even if you disagree with their conclusions.

I was hooked pretty quickly. I'm not sure if it was my newfound craving for simplicity, a touch of nostalgia, or that the games so openly embraced a lot of things that I'd sort of lost sight of from in
Somewhere between my newfound craving for simplicity, a touch of nostalgia, and an open embrace of a lot of things I'd lost sight of somewhere along the way. Likely, all of the above.

I have to really credit the OSR scene for bringing a lot of balance back to my gaming tastes. There's a lot of people out there who like to try to pit indie/nar/forge types as being in one camp and OSR as being two opposite and non-overlapping things, each vying to be the One True Way and the other being badwrongfun. I've gained a lot from both communities and I greatly enjoy both kinds of games. They provide radically different experiences, and in a lot of ways follow the same "system matters" ethos. In a curious way, they even both seem to be a response to the same thing - dissatisfaction with "Adventure path" (read: railroad) style of GMing and systems that are bad at what they are supposed to be doing.

I actually had a reason for going into all of this besides my own nostalgia. I have a handful of topics that have been digging at me for a while now, but I thought they could use some context before I began. Unfortunately, this post is far too long already. So those will wait until next time.

Statistics in the OSR market

My OSR house rules have slowly evolved into a game of their own, and I've been kicking around the idea of publishing them after 'Bastards is all grown up and finding its own way in the world. To this end, I've done some amateur market research by way of straw polls. I'm sure none of these are statistically significant by way of sample size, but here they are.

Screencaps are here from the time at writing, but if you want to weigh in, I'll leave links to each below the poll itself.

http://strawpoll.me/7025086/

This poll had the most results, and it confirms to what I predicted. The most popular edition chosen was Moldvay Basic, but nearly twice as many people weighed in and said that they didn't care one way or another about the specific edition. What did surprise me was that OD&D beat out BECMI/RC and AD&D by a decent margin. I can't be sure if this is because OD&D is more popular than I thought, or because more people thought it was underrepresented than the other editions.

Since the leading result didn't care what edition it was, that leads to the next question: how much do we care about faithfulness to the core material?

http://strawpoll.me/7044557/

The results here are more definitive than the first question, but we have an even smaller sample size. That said, it completely conforms to my expectations. Because OSR stuff is so broadly compatible, the overwhelming majority seem more interested in seeing innovation than faithfulness to the old rules.

http://strawpoll.me/7139460/

This last one I've been kicking around for a while. Book formatting is something I've written about before and it's an interesting topic for OSR. Depending on the edition and game, we've seen it done a number of ways. The results here surprised me.

I've never gotten to experience LBB OD&D, but I've always loved the physical presentation of it. The amateurish doodles give it a naive charm, and the nostalgia factor is high. The actual booklets themselves have a kind of versatility that you lose in single-volume sets, as they allow you to have multiple people looking different things up simultaneously. If you can acquire them separately, it also means you can have multiple copies of the character creation section if you need it to speed up the process. I think it may also be less intimidating to initiate a new player into the game with a half-sized 30-page booklet than handing them the 300-page player's guide from certain other editions of the game.

For the first day or so that I monitored this poll, all four options were at a dead heat, with at most a vote or two between them. I assumed that the single volume 8.5x11 would ultimately win out, as it is the most common form RPG books take. I was pleasantly surprised that the 6x9 took the lead. I've written about how much I love this format ever since I picked up the Burning Wheel Gold book.

Even if the above changes significantly after the time of posting, I think I will stick with the 6x9 as the target size for a new book. This is not just because I genuinely enjoy the form factor for it, but because it creates a secondary possibility as well. It's easy to lay out the book at 5.5x8.5 (half-page LBB size) first and create the game in such a way as it can stand as multiple booklets and then just slightly upscale the same layout to fit a single-volume 6x9 without changing page numbers. Print on demand being what it is, it would be easy to offer both for people to pick at their preference. I can easily see someone using the single-volume hardback and a couple extra character-creation booklets at the table.

Orc Quest: Episode 7 - An Eye for Adventure

It was a day's travel to arrive before the fortified gates of Haganna. It was late evening and the guards stood in place to block their entry. It was quickly revealed that the mayor had issued a decree that orcs were forbidden to enter the city. The party wound up improvising and with the assistance of the party bard Cunnin managed to convince the guards that they were on a mission to deliver this human girl to someone inside the town. A quick bribe changed hands, and they were shown around to a side entrance, handed robes, and given the instructions to not be seen and to be gone within 24 hours.

They snuck in quickly and made their way to the market square. I basically asked if Cunnin (being a thief) could case the area and see if anything looked shady, like they were doing dirt (a fence, a fake front, etc) i.e. Someone that would do business with illegal orcs. After a bit of RP and an intelligence roll, they located just the sort.

Some brief negotiations later, they managed to unload some trade goods and spoils in exchange for hard currency and some additional supplies. We also acquired some new information:

The town guard was nervous over elven raids on the roads. We heard further rumors of an elf-queen, and that the elves weren't just robbing the travelers but kidnapping them. Only one person had managed to return alive, and he had kind of lost his mind. "Doomsday Dave," they called him. He apparently wanders around as a homeless person now.

The merchant handed over a bag of coins, but as he was turning to leave Cunnin poured them out and counted them - and found the bag short of the promised amount. Taz and Justice moved into position behind the merchant, who quickly threw his remaining coins at Cunnin and ran off.

About this time, the guards entered the market square and it became obvious that the rest of the merchants had already left. The party made themselves scarce before they were noticed - but not before Cunnin took the opportunity to nick back an item they had traded: one golden pickaxe that he had been reluctant to sell in the first place.

From there, they managed to find an Inn in the seedy side of town: The Flail and Sail.

As it turned out, the bartender was a giant of a man named Bjorn, about the size of many of the orcish party members. From a bit of conversation, he had a mercenary past and spoke a good bit of Orcish - something that has been something of an issue in this campaign, as many of the NPCs we have encountered only spoke common. [ed: this is slowly being rectified, as Cunnin is having Tuska teach Raph and Justice common while she's learning Orcish] Some drinks were had and ultimately negotiations were made for them to stay in town and stay there for the evening.

There were some friendly jabs thrown back and forth between party members as the orcs had some drinks and decided to unwind. After butting heads with Justice, Cunnin decided to retire early and went upstairs to his room with Tuska - giving the young girl further lessons in orcish and instilling in her proper tribal ethos.

Downstairs, Justice had a bit much to drink and wound up having a long heartfelt discussion with Raph. Taz watched on, nursing his own drink, somewhat bewildered by the whole thing. As the discussion heated up downstairs, Justice was spurred to action with the realization - we need to have a group meeting!

Cunnin was roused from his slumber and stumbled down the stairs. After a brief but fruitless attempt to explain to the bartender the concept of coffee, Cunnin settled down with his pipe and the strongest "you woke me up for this shit?" face he could muster.

Justice poured forth from his weary heart all of the concerns and confusions from their journey together so far. Ultimately, the discussion boiled down to: Who are we? What are we? Cast from their previous tribe, their relations were unknown. Justice was all but cast out from the original tribe, effectively an exile. Cunnin's reasons for leaving were largely unknown and Raph was just following Cunnin. Taz? We're not sure. When we met him he was having an intimiate moment with a tree he claimed was a dryad just moment's before we showed up. We're never sure about Taz. Then we have this human child. What is she to us?

Are we a group of people who just happen to be traveling together? Are we a tribe?

After some time, Cunnin finally responded with this: That in his mind, they had been a tribe since the moment they set forth - that everything he had done thus far had been about the tribe, for the tribe. And even that he counted the tiny human as part of their tribe now. She is ours. She is part of us.

Some further debate reconciled the remaining issues. Born of the priestly caste, Justice had a need for structure and hierarchy and finally appointed Cunnin Orkis Inter Pares, Ork Among Equals and defacto warboss when they were on a raid. At other times, they would settle matters via egalitarian tribal democracy, with each member of age (sorry Tuska) having a vote, decided by majority.

With those basic agreements settled upon, Taz voiced a concern about the limits of Warboss authority within an egalitarian electoral tribal leadership. If the time came and someone had to lay their life down for the tribe, would the warboss be allowed to give that order? To decide who lives and who dies?

In response, Justice rose. "I don't think you understand what's going on here. I need you to understand how important this is, the kind of sacrifice you need to be willing to give for your tribe. Cunnin. I need you to cut my eye out."

Taz did a double-take and began to argue "No, that's not necessary. That's not necessary at all."

Cunnin already had the dagger out, as though he had been half-expecting this. He got a jug of the strongest liquor Bjorn had behind the counter -- a purplish liquid that smelled like turpentine and had so many Xs on the bottle it was unclear if they were a rating of potency, or a WWII plane-style kill count. It was labeled only as The Good Stuff™. Cunnin rubbed the dagger down with the drink and then stuck it in the fire, letting it get red hot.

Meanwhile, Taz argued for reason against this course of action. Justice argued back, consumed with both determination for his tribe and religious zeal - for he would sacrifice an eye to make himself in Gruumsh's image, sealing the founding of our tribe with the Unsleeping God's blessing.

The dagger prepared, Raph was given the order to hold Justice still. Justice was given several deep drinks of The Good Stuff™ and Cunnin offered him his belt to bite down on. Taz appealed once more, now to Cunnin as Warboss but was rebuked. "This is going to happen. If you don't move, I'll take your eye out instead." Finally, Taz backed down and the deed was done. With a sizzle of flesh and a quick, deft motion, the extraneous orb was removed from its housing and Justice immediately began to shake and foam at the mouth.

We threw him down on a table and held him in place, keeping the belt in his mouth so that he couldn't swallow his tongue. After several long moments, the seizures passed and he came to.

"I h-had a vision. I know what Gruumsh wants from me now.."

And then he turned suddenly and wretched all over the table.

With that, we decided to turn in for the evening. It was now too late into the night to find Doomsday Dave before daybreak. We made arrangements with the bartender to keep our presence in the city more or less quiet and then retired to our rooms to sleep off the excitement.

[Ed: This was such a ridiculous and amazing session. I wind up having to gloss over so much of it in the write-up because it wound up being 90% in-character dialogue. What was probably meant to be a quick pit-stop in the Inn turned into three hours or so of solid role-play as intra-party conflict was played up, brought to the surface, and ultimately resolved. This is the kind of glorious scenario in which it might seem like nothing happened and barely any dice were rolled.. but the sheer quality of the role-play was brilliant. And the best part? It is developing from a premise about orcs being murder-hobos doing murder hobo things. Half of it is just a string of inside gags and out-of-genre references..and yet, I left this session more psyched than I have been from a game in a long time. This is why I play these games.]

Until next time,

Orc Quest: Episode 6 - Elves.

I haven't been maintaining these as well as I should, but other matters have been calling my attention lately. I'll try to catch up in brief.

When we last left our heroes, they had just left a kobold cave and were heading south to find the road again. Upon the road they came upon a merchant and his guards slowly traveling to the west. Upon stopping them, it was debated whether or not our heroes should rob them blind or merely ask for directions. Ultimately, the latter was settled on and they gained some information:

The merchant was traveling from the eastern city, which had fallen to some catastrophe of unspecified nature [ed: I might just not remember, I'll be honest. With my luck it was foreshadowing some massive plot hook] and they were heading west towards the town of Hanaga in order to acquire new goods to trade. The roads were dangerous, as elven bandits have been spotted in the region.

Our orcish warband let them carry on their way unmolested and made camp for the evening. Cunnin and raph replenished their firewood stock and Cunnin acquired a pair of long, stout sapplings he could trim down into two staves - one long one of about his height, and a short one for their humie girl, Tuska. After they were whittled, debarked, and shaped properly the weapon was presented to the girl as her first weapon. The little girl beamed and squeaked and wrapped herself around Cunnin's leg and d'awws were shared all around.

Justice did a bit of sparring with the girl, taking the other staff and showed her some of the basic movements with it. Afterwords, the fire was stroked and everyone settled in for the evening for something of a heart-to-heart talk. Justice had some character development on the subject of faith. Cunnin and Taz collectively advised him that instead of hoping that Gruumsh will aid him, that Gruumsh was waiting for Justice to prove himself worthy of aid. After some time, it was discovered that Justice just needed a snickers, because he turns apostate when he's hungry.

Interrupting this bit of role-play, the wolves responded to movement in the woods at the side of the road. Before we could act, we were beset by a party of elven raiders!

Justice knew that this was the moment he must prove himself to Gruumsh and..stripped naked, for some reason... but no matter! The elves rushed in, several taking positions around the edge of the woods near which we camped, but a central party headed straight for Tuska. Taz made a B-line to cut them off, but several got around him. The wolves leaped in, tearing down a pair of elves before they could close. The hammer of Justice smote mightily, turning an elf to paste before him, but Raph was not so lucky. As he turned to face down one elf, another leaped onto his back, sinking a dagger deep into his flesh. For the first time, Raph felt the pain of mortals.

One of the elven raiders grabbed Tuska and was making back through the forest. Cunnin abandoned everything and jumped headlong after them, cutting down the first elf that got in his way and finally tackling the other, sinking his dagger in again and again until the raider ceased to gurgle beneath him.

When the dust settled, one elf was left alive and their captive. There was some discussion on what to do with it, the options ranging from "kill it," to "kill it with fire." Cunnin wanted the prisoner questioned, and so they let him do the questioning while Taz and Justice went back to check on Raph and ensure that Tuska was unharmed.

The interrogation became graphic as the prisoner was uncooperative. Cunnin responded by removing bits of extremities until the elf was feeling more cooperative. With the elf's tongue sufficiently loosened, we learned of an elf-queen who had sent the raiders after the girl. Unfortunately, before anymore information could be had the paladin of gruumsh stepped in and an argument was had on the comparative ethics of enhanced interrogation on a prisoner of war.

Losing this battle, Cunnin dispatched the prisoner quickly and put the elf-thing out of its misery. A better fate than it deserved.

They set in to camp that night, but none slept well. Cunnin remained at watch until daybreak, and they set off west towards Hagana to resupply - and to gather more intel.

Until next time,

Orc Quest: Episode 5- Kobold Cave a.k.a. Baby's First Dungeon

When we last left our heroes, their course was set in pursuit of Orcpra, the foul Orc Queen. Their only clues were a golden necklace which seemed to have a connection to the Queen's magic, and the vague notion that she was in a land to the south where winter had not set so harshly.

The party stuck to the road for some ways, making several days trek before coming across the smell of woodsmoke somewhere to the East. The party split, with Justice and Cunnin making their way through investigate, and then ultimately Cunnin using his stealth to creep up to the source and investigate. Ultimately, the smoke was rolling out of a small cave entrance. By the volume and density of the smoke, an estimate was made that it was a small camp or cooking fire. The small, scratching footprints in the snow around the cave entrance gave good indication of the inhabitants - kobolds.

Returning to Justice, a brief debate was had on the relative merits of ignoring this cave in pursuit of their higher goals vs stopping here in pursuit of the highest of Orcly traditions: a good raid. Ultimately and unsurprisingly, the raid won out and the remaining members of their party were gathered. Tuska was, once more left somewhere safe guarding the baggage.

The party crept back to the location of the cave mouth, with Cunnin scouting ahead. He moved carefully through the entrance, avoiding a trip wire set at the mouth only to rattle a set of hanging bones. The kobolds looked up from their cook-fire and fled down a northward corridor deeper into the cave. Realizing his error, Cunnin went back to the party that now waited at the cave-mouth.

"I think they heard you coming."
"Raph not sneaky. Sorry Cunnin."

He quickly explained the tripwire and the situation. The kobolds had no doubt taken up defensive positions deeper in the cave mouth. They could be walking into an ambush.

So gleefully, they marched onward to face their ambush.

They rounded the corner to the abrupt north passage and found themselves facing down a line of kobold ballista not much larger than heavy crossbows. The volley arced its deadly fury down upon them, but the quicker members of the party reacted quickly enough to get out of the way. A single bolt managed a grazing strike on Raph, but such was his massive bulk that he did not register the wound. The next moments erupted into chaos. Cunnin loosed his crossbow into the side of one of the kobold defenders, but failed to bring it down. Kobold slingers rained rocks down upon the party, a lucky shot ringing Justice's helm and nearly knocking him unconscious. Taz brought both swords to bare, hacking his way into the fray and Raph charged the line of ballista head on, smashing his way through the weapons and defenders alike as though they were beneath his notice.

When the dust settled, Taz had acquitted himself well in the melee, catching his breath among the ruined bodies of the kobold defenders. Raph was now covered in gore, carrying a kobold spear as a prize. Or toothpick. Justice was gravely wounded and was forced to call upon the aid of Gruumsh to heal his wounds. Even as the power of his faith sealed his wounds whole he began to question his convictions. It was not the first of such battles that had turned poorly for him, and time and again his hammer failed to find it's mark. Is Gruumsh even watching?

The hall before them formed a natural four-way intersection. In the westerly direction, a large wooden double-door stood with metal furnishings. Additional pathways went to the north and south, or back east from the direction they came. Rather than proceeding further, Cunnin raised a hand to halt the group, before uttering the four words of terror "I have an idea."

Cunnin called out in common, his voice echoing down the stone halls "Parlay?"

Confused noises could be heard from down the northward hall, whispers and the barking speech of the kobold tongue. A few moments later, there was movement and a single representative of their kind appeared before the party. It barked out in clipped common "You. Leave!"

"You are kobolds. We are orcs. Orcs raid kobolds. It is the way of things, but it does not have to be. If we fight you, you will die and we will take everything. But if you pay us now, we will leave instead."

The kobold considered this for a moment, then barked back to his fellows around the corner. After brief discussion, he shook his head and tried again. "Kobolds not bow to Orc! You! Leave!"and then proceeded to fold its arms and flap its elbows in a manner not unlike the chicken dance, hissing and spitting at the floor.

"Your friends don't have to die."

The kobold at this point turned and ran back around the corner. After a few moments of silence, Cunnin tried one last time "Is that a no?"

The reply barked back at him from the darkness. "Ff-f-ffffffffaaack you!"

Taz had translated much of the affair to the remaining party. At the last line, Justice questioned "What does that mean?"

"I guess they aren't feeling reasonable."


With a shrug, the party moved down the tunnel into which the kobolds had retreated. Some time during this, the Justice's mind began to spin. The pieces all fit together. Raph's flawless Chopin. His seeming invincibility in combat, his unparalleled destruction, his innocent and unexpected "from the mouth of babes" wisdom. What if Raph wasn't just a simpleton, but instead connected to some higher power? He seems simple to us only because we are not capable of understanding the raw power of his mind, operating on a level so high above us as to be incomprehensible. What if Raph himself is a god?

The orcs fell upon the defenders. Crossbow bolts and sling stones arced across the battlefield. The bard's swords nearly sang as they crossed through the air and landed their blows. Raph smashed kobold upon kobold and Justice, inspired by the might of this new god called out to him for power. So imbued, he set upon the enemies, his hammer crumpling one after the next until none stood before him. Yes. This was it. This is what he had been looking for.

In the aftermath, a number of kobold young were discovered hiding among some supplies in the back of the cave. Some discussion was had as to what would become of them, but Cunnin had other things on his mind. He slipped back to the intersection of the tunnels to examine the double door. He very carefully examined the frame and the ground before it, finding nothing of note. He let his hand go near the handle without touching it to check for heat and was rewarded when the hair on his arms stood on end as though by static.

Standing back, he squirted a brief stream from his waterskin at the door, careful not to let it be long enough to lead back to him. Where the water touched the metal furnishings, it sparked and crackled filling the air with the smell of ozone.

It was about this time that Justice came to check what Cunnin was doing and cautiously watched the experiment. Cunnin explained that he thought it might be some kind of electrical trap, and asked if Raph still had the kobold spear. Justice nodded and went to retrieve the item, holding it with the kind of reverence due to such a sacred relic, wielded in battle by the divine.

Cunnin nodded in thanks, taking the spear and immediately snapping the metal head off of it. Justice fell a step back in horror and stormed off, taking the now dislodged head and muttering to himself.

With the wooden shaft, Cunnin carefully pushed the right-side door back, careful to ensure that wood touched only wood, and equally careful to ensure that he was around the side of the door, not in the path of the entrance. The door swung almost frictionless open back against the wall behind it, opening fully. He moved to the other side and repeated, getting the same result. As the left side touched the wall behind it, a row of spears shot up from the floor just inside the door-frame as though to impale one who incautiously stepped through.

Confident that the door was the pressure mechanism, Cunnin stepped through and saw before him a great hoard of boxes and chests, barrels and scattered coin. The remainder of the party entered in behind him and with great excitement went to investigate. Despite his initial enthusiasm, Cunnin took a step back across the threshold. Suddenly, the Kobold's awkward chicken dance made a great deal of sense.

"I don't think we should be in here." He made another step back out of the room.

Justice made to open the first chest, when the pile of treasures began to shift before them, revealing the body of a great red dragon waking before them. It's motions were jerky at first, eyes glowing red and head leveled to stare at those who had trespassed in its domain.

Realizing his fate was sealed, Justice took a step towards the beast and tried to explain the circumstances. "Ah, if we had known the kobolds were in your service, then we would never have attempted to -- AH HA!" he lunged forward, trying to spear the dragon in the eye with the spear of Raphginus only to fumble the draw and drop it on the ground. [ed: Of all the times to roll a 1!]

The dragon reared its head back, and Justice looked back to his new God for aid. Raph looked around for a moment and declared "uh. Raph heard Cunnin say he needs help in hallway. Raph will be back." And the giant demigod ran out into the hallway.

"Raph? Why have you foresaken me?"

As Raph came out, Cunnin stepped in, determined to throw his lot in with Justice. The tribe will live or die as one. However, rather than a certain death, what Cunnin saw was almost comical. He swaggered in, weapons sheathed and bellowing.

"You know who we are. You see what we can do. We have your women, your children. Surrender now and we will take our gold and leave. If you don't, we will slay every last one of you."

Justice turned, wide-eyed and horrified, immediately attempting to interject "that's not --- he doesn't mean ---"

It is at this point the "dragon" fell from the wires that had suspended it, seeming to deflate all at once. A few moments later, three kobolds emerged from inside the chassis of it with a guilty, embarrassed grin. Justice and Taz stood in stunned silence for a long moment. Cunnin crossed his arms, waiting.

The two kobolds gestured to the treasure pile and booked it for the door, disappearing down another corridor.

Our heroes loaded up everything they could carry, which was some considerable sum of coins, a pair of magic daggers, an enchanted crossbow, a magic breastplate (that was too small for any of us), a golden necklace with a saphire stone, and some miscellaneous gems.

Honoring their word, the tribe gathered up what goods it could carry and left the remaining kobolds unmolested, setting forth back into the world for another adventure.

Until then, 

Brawler - A Monk Replacement for AD&D2e

My group has slowly reshaped its home campaign. We started with Lamentations of the Flame Princess, but slowly adopted bits and pieces from everything including class structure from AD&D2e. Some classes have been removed entirely for thematic reasons (No one in our group was big on Druids as treehuggers), and some have been replaced.  I always liked the idea of a monk, but it just doesn't fit the setting we play and has always kind of stuck out as a sore thumb in the D&D milieu. Enter the Brawler.

I picture the brawler as one part greco-roman wrestler, one part just skinhead roughneck looking for a bar fight. I'm imagining table legs flying and chairs breaking. In practice, it's worked out pretty well for our group, but we also aren't the sort that really worries about balance so your mileage my vary.

The following does reference a couple house rules as well. We are playing with 2e Weapon Proficiencies, but when classes are restricted by weapons we've simply categorized weapons as "simple" "martial" etc. Individual weapon proficiencies are still purchased, but the prior categories make it easier to manage. We're also using LotFP specialist style skill points, so you may need to tweak the class to your own setup.

Without further ado:


Brawler 
Ability Requirement: Strength 14, Dexterity 14
Allowed Races: Dwarf, Half-Elf, Half-Orc, Human

Where thieves are often thought of as nimble professionals, brawlers are best characterized as roughnecks, knee-breakers, and thugs. While lacking the pure martial prowess of the warrior classes, Brawlers compensate through dirty-fighting and a raw talent for destruction. Brawlers can be of any alignment, and gain the following special abilities:

The Sweet Science: Nothing makes a brawler happier than sweet sweet pugilism. Their initial unarmed attacks do 1d4 damage, but as they increase in level their capacity for mayhem rises dramatically. They do increased damage per the chart below.

Bonus Attacks: Unlike other members of the Rogue group, Brawlers gain bonus attacks per round similar to the way in which Warrior classes do. These bonus attacks only apply when the character is using Simple Weapons, Improvised Weapons, or unarmed attacks, and only when the character has not moved that round.

Improvised Weapons: Street fights and pub brawls have left the brawler adept at making use of whatever is at hand. Brawlers can make better use of any improvised weapon that is reasonably similar to a weapon they actually have proficiency in without penalty. Thus, a Brawler who has proficiency in Clubs can make easy use of a table leg. A brawler with the dagger proficiency is deadly with a broken bottle in hand. This ability does not give brawlers access to weapons they couldn’t otherwise make use of, such as fighting with a woodsman’s axe without the Battleaxe proficiency.

Bob and Weave: When wearing light or no armor, Brawlers gain double their normal dexterity bonus to AC.

Rogue Skills: Like other members of the Rogue Group, Brawlers gain some points to spend on skills. Unlike some other Rogues though, their combat focus leaves them with a more narrow skillset. They may only spend points in the following skills: Architecture, Climbing, Search, Stealth

At level 3: Brawlers become an even greater threat through unarmed combat. When they attempt any wrestling / grappling maneuver, they double their Strength modifier when calculating grappling rolls.

At Level 5: Brawlers maximize the destructive potential of their surroundings. If they have not moved this round and are armed with a blunt improvised weapon (table leg, beer bottle, chair, whatever), they may opt to give up their normal Attacks Per Round and instead make a single Collateral Damage attack, by breaking said object over the target’s head or back. This attack roll is made as normal, and can even be a ranged attack at whatever range the object can be thrown.

If the attack is successful, the damage is resolved as normal for that class of improvised weapon but has an additional chance to stun the target on a d6 roll of 1-3, noting the difference in HD or level between the Brawler and his target. For every Level the Brawler has above the target’s HD, the chance of success increases by +1. If the target is a higher level than the Brawler, each level or HD of difference reduces the chance by -1 This cannot reduce the chance below 1, or raise it above 6.

Bob decides to break a chair over the head of the party’s Paladin. Bob is level 5 and the Paladin is only level 3, for a 2 level difference. He has a 1-5 chance of stunning the Paladin.

If successful, the target is stunned for the current round, and d3 rounds thereafter. Regardless of success, the item used is completely destroyed in the process. Undead creatures, and creatures immune to critical hits or Backstabs are also immune to Collateral Damage.

At Level 9: the Brawler gains the ability to Sucker Punch their opponents. In order to qualify for a Sucker Punch, their opponent must be either unaware of the Brawler’s presence, unaware that they are about to be attacked, or distracted by another enemy in combat (not currently engaged with or targeting the brawler). If they have not moved that round, they may opt to give up their normal Attacks Per Round and instead deliver a single Sucker Punch to their opponent. The attack is rolled as normal and if successful delivers it normal damage, but has an additional chance to instantly knock their opponent unconscious on a d6 roll of 1. As with Collateral Damage, compare the Brawler’s HD. For every Level the Brawler has above the target’s HD, the chance of success increases by +1. This chance cannot be modified to less than 1.

If successful, the target is immediately knocked unconscious and will remain so for d3 hours. Undead creatures, and creatures immune to critical hits or Backstabs are also immune to Sucker Punch.

Favored Weapons: Simple

Level	XP	Hit Dice			Save vs.			Skill	Unarmed	Attacks
		(d8)	Death	Wand	Change	Breath	Spell	Points	Damage	/ Round
1	0	1	13	14	12	11	15	2	d4	1
2	2,000	2	13	14	12	11	15	+1	d4	1
3	4,000	3	13	14	12	11	15	+1	d6	1
4	8,000	4	13	14	12	11	15	+1	d6	3/2
5	16,000	5	12	12	11	10	13	+1	d8	3/2
6	32,000	6	12	12	11	10	13	+1	d8	3/2
7	64,000	7	12	12	11	10	13	+1	d10	3/2
8	125,000	8	12	12	11	10	13	+1	d10	2
9	250,000	9	11	10	10	9	11	+1	d10	2
10	500,000	9+2	11	10	10	9	11	+1	2d6	2
11	750,000	9+4	11	10	10	9	11	+1	2d6	2
12	1,000,000	9+6	11	10	10	9	11	+1	2d6	5/2
13	1,250,000	9+8	10	8	9	8	9	+1	2d8	5/2
14	1,500,000	9+10	10	8	9	8	9	+1	2d8	5/2
15	1,750,000	9+12	10	8	9	8	9	+1	2d8	5/2
16	2,000,000	9+14	9	6	8	6	7	+1	3d6	3
17	2,250,000	9+16	9	6	8	6	7	+1	3d6	3
18	2,500,000	9+18	9	6	8	6	7	+1	3d6	3
19+	2,750,000	+2/lvl	8	4	7	4	5	+1/lvl	3d8	4

It's rough, but I've been enjoying the thematics of it. The abilities are possibly a little overpowered, but entertaining and thematic. The unarmed attack damage gets a little ridiculous, but is actually less ridiculous than the monk class that it was based on.

If anyone tries it, let me know. Hopefully it will inspire someone to something.

Until next time,

Orc Quest: Episode 4 - Queen of the Orcs

When last we left our brave heroes, they had their target in sight. The band of orcs that had raided their raid would soon themselves be raided, and tribal honor restored.

While our heroes were outnumbered more than two-to-one, Cunnin lived up to his namesake and offered a plan. Taz Dingo would be sent into the woods ahead of them and create a distraction, leading some of the orcs away from their camp and allowing the rest of the party to set upon whomever remained. The plan was set and simple. The plan was then explained a second time for raph's benefit, explicitly highlighting his own roll in the simplest terms: For every enemy orc you kill, you will receive two Oreos.

With that, the plan was set in motion. Cunnin crept into position. Taz moved around the outer perimeter, hidden from view. Justice and Raph came up the back, the wolves in tow. The young human girl (who had been by now given the good and honorable orc name Tuska, after an orcish hero of old) was left in a safe place to watch over their gear, keeping both her from harm and their things from slowing them down.

Unfortunately, rather than run into the woods and make noise to get the orcs to follow Taz misunderstood the plan and began drawing their attention from the edge of their own camp. The rest of the party sprang into action. Justice threw dried rations at the enemy orcs still by the fire, sending the hungry wolves barreling down at them.

Several orcs moved to intercept Taz, but Justice moved in to intercept. Moments later, the great green behemoth came plowing through their ranks, shouting "I came in like a Raaaaaaaaaaaaphing ball" and crushing all that stood before him. Kidneyshanks moved around behind the tents, carefully picking his moment. It was from this perspective that he was the first to see a giant of an orc among their party - a figure who could be none other than the enemy's warboss.

The brutal melee lasted for several long moments before the Warboss was on Justice and their struggle was terrible to behold. Cunnin came in from behind, trying to sink his short-sword between enemy ribs but was rebuffed by sturdy leather armor. The boss turned on Cunnin, sword raised high -- when the broken body of another orc hurdled through the air and smashed into him, toppling them both to the ground. Raph looked on at his makeshift projectile with a satisfied grin.

The Warboss reeled, bloody and dazed. Crossbow in hand now, Cunnin shouted for him to surrender. When the warboss refused, a bolt burried itself in his shoulder, obliterating a ball-joint and causing him to drop his sword. At the second command to surrender, the warboss relented. The remaining Orc stood down, too drunken and injured to refuse.

The latter was bound and sat by a tent until he could be dealt with. Raph's fee was tallied and his account settled. The defeated warboss was thoroughly questioned, his reluctance to speak overcome through a means of coercion too grizzly and disturbing to be described here. (Raph cuddled him, alright? It was awful. There was snuggling.)

Caving to cruel psychological torture, the Warboss revealed that he was in service to an Orc Queen that was coming to power, one more fearsome than any warboss that had come before. She styled herself The Matriarch, and would unite all orc-kind under her heel.

Troubled by this news, Justice, Taz, and Cunnin held council while Raph made sure the prisoners stayed put. At some length, it was decided that our heroes had no wish to become part of The Matriarchy, and that they would have to find the Orc Queen and assess the true nature of their foe. Of the captives, the choice was difficult but necessary. Prisoners would only slow them down, and to leave a defeated orc alive was to guarantee that they would seek revenge.

Cunnin approached the Warboss and apologized simply. "I'm sorry, but there is an account to settle." He placed a bolt through the warboss's brain-pan, giving him the most painless death he could.

This left the remaining prisoner, of whom it was decided would be an offering to Gruumsh, one-eyed. The prisoner was given several swigs of their best whiskey, and ultimately went willingly to his death, hanged upon a high branch and ended with a spear.

Tuska and their belongings were fetched from the hiding place down the way, and they made camp in the defeated orcs tents. Once the belongings were searched, several trinkets were found, including a strange shield made of granite, a fine sword and a strange golden necklace. Of these, the necklace became most important, the center ruby in it shimmering.

The necklace was placed around Raph's neck for testing. Nothing happened for a long time, but as he played with the medallion, his eyes rolled back and he fell to the ground unconscious. When he recovered, he related a vision of a great female orc who both grew and shrank in size. Before her were hundreds of orcs (maybe, Raph isn't great with numbers) all shouting and chanting her name. Orc-pra! Orc-pra! Orc-pra! Orc-pra!

Upon further questioning, he related that it was outside in a warm place where no snow had fallen. With nothing else to go on, that set our course south. South we shall go.

Until next time.

Orc Quest: Episode 3 - Pack Leader

When we last left our heroes, they set off on the trail of adventure and revenge. Four orcs, one cat, and one human riding Hodor style on Raph's back in a makeshift harness.

The trail wound for some time, with smalltalk had in the interim. A debate sprang up between Cunnin and Justice about the proper territorial procedures of raiding another tribes raid, under what circumstances it could be permissible and what etiquette would be required. As most discussions go on the natural rights of Orc, this one was stopped short by a blood-curdling howl. In the distance, our heroes became aware of a half-dozen wolves, larger than those that normally prowl these areas. They began to draw closer, threatening to encircle.

This was when Taz Dingo volunteered, to the amusement of his comrades. "I've got this."

With that, he approached the largest of the wolves and decided he would attempt to challenge said animal for dominance.

It was at this time that Cunnin and Justice began placing bets on whether or not their comrade would be brutally torn to shreds, while shouting helpful advice such as "Stare him down! they love that."

As the wolf began snarling and circling, the bets were ammended to not whether Taz would be eaten, but how quickly.

A failed charisma check later, the wolf leaped into action. Cunnin loosed his crossbow at the beast's heart, sending his deadly bolt flying predictably some harmless distance into the woods. Raph readied himself to charge in, but Justice placed a restraining hand on his shoulder. "No. This is something Taz has to do for himself."

A wrestling roll later had Taz in the underdog position, and the bets were further amended as to whether or not Taz would instead become a member of the wolf-pack by marriage. Fortunately, before the subject of tribe-to-pack dowry arrangements could be broached, Taz gained the upper hand, ultimately pinning the alpha wolf and.. uh.. establishing his dominance.

Their tribe mate returned triumphant, with several wolves now in tow - the members of his pack. Unable to look him in the eye, half-hearted congratulations were issued. While no one could now remember exactly who bet what over the affair, Cunnin convinced both Raph and Justice that he had in fact won, and collected a dozen silver as his just due.

The now larger party traveled some distance before coming across signs of the orcs they sought. Cunnin scouted ahead, miraculously pulling off a stealth roll and making his way across the brush to observe their camp. Making his way back without incident, he shared his observations:

"Eight of them, maybe nine. Most drunk around their campfire."

Invoking the god of Brutal Cunning, he came up with a plan..

Until next time,

Orc Quest: Episode 2 - Disrespect

With our Australian DM back from a worrying and lengthy illness, we once again could pursue our tales of orcish adventure, even if today's session would be a short one.

When we last left our heroes, they were making camp in the center of a humie village and taking a well-deserved rest adjacent to the burning ruin of a building they set alight. The young female human was placed in a nearby, also abandoned building for safe-keeping. Seemingly Fearful for her life, she did not run. At their camp around the house-sized fire, spoils were divvied up and the decision was made that the remaining children should be eaten to prevent spoilage. The grizzly task was quickly done and what wasn't consumed there was dried for later rations.

Small talk was had, and the lot then retired themselves to the abandoned building with the human larva. Sensing her discomfort, Cunnin attempted to ease matters by offering her his cat, Mr. Boots and some scraps of dinner. The young girl accepted both, seeming to find some small comfort in Boots indiscriminate affection. A fire was lit in the hearth, and everyone settled in for a night's sleep.

The following morning, fresh snow blanketed the outside. Cautious, our party checked out the windows for signs of humans waiting in ambush around the building, but the town seemed deserted. Instead, what they discovered were a number of large footprints leading down the street in the newly-fallen snow. Half-following them, half exploring for the sake of exploring, they found themselves at the village tavern and let themselves in.

Tables were upturned, and everywhere were signs of a struggle. These signs were largely ignored by our intrepid adventurers, on the assumption that humans were simply messy creatures and this is how they lived.

Following conventional gaming wisdom, the party immediately split, heading off in different directions. Taz Dingo made his way to the upstairs, wherein the genre seemed to shift into survival horror for reasons we weren't entirely certain of. Blood stained everywhere, and the bodies of several dead humans were strewn about, victims of grizzly injuries. A noise issued from deeper down the hall, half groan, half-scrape... and it was at that exact moment the DM switched focus to the remaining party downstairs.

To everyone's confusion, Raph sat down at the piano and began playing flawless Chopin, hinting that he may actually be some kind of savant, rather than simply handicapped. The effect was lost on his fellow orcs, whose sense of music was less developed, and decided he was simply playing with the humie toys. Consigning themselves to more important tasks, Cunnin and Justice sought out the cellar in search of food and booze. Cunnin carefully positioned himself in such a fashion that Justice would be first down the stairs, carefully guarding his pathetic 3HP.

Downstairs they found exactly what you might imagine from a tavern cellar - bags of root vegetables and grains, bottles of alcohol, the majority of which were confiscated under the auspice of "that's what humies eat, right?" so that they might feed their newfound pet. Out of nowhere, a scratching, clawing noise issued from the corner, revealing a RODENT OF UNUSUAL SIZE, which immediately charged them. Both orcs issued a manly squeel, and ran up the stairs, losing some of their stolen foodstuffs in the process and slammed the cellar door behind them.

Upstairs, Taz came across the source of his own noises - an injured man, nearly dead and pale from blood loss. In the least orcish tone he could muster, he tried to rouse the man, asking what ill befell him. "O..orcs..."

Confused, Taz picked the man up and carried him down the stairs and explained. Justice summoned his Gruumsh-given gifts to lay hands upon the man, healing him just enough to ensure his recovery. Cunnin stood over the man, attempting to get more answers.

"Tell us what happened."

As the man became more aware of his surroundings, he realized the horror of his position. Cunnin placed a foot on his shoulder, keeping him to the floor. "We healed you. You answer questions. That is the deal. You do not answer questions, we unheal you. Do you understand the deal?"

The man grew pale once more, but nodded his acquiescence.

"What happened?"
"..o..orcs raided the village."
"When?"
"Late last night..e-early morning. We were asleep.."

This response produced much confusion, and a short group discussion to make sure that the orcs in question were not, in fact, our heroes, who would be much embarrassed to have raided these people a second time in their sleep. After it was determined that it was in fact not themselves, and that no black-out raiding occurred, they pressed for more information. Information our informant did not have.

Instead, it was decided he would be placed in the cellar for safe keeping, and that he should remain there for the day when he would be free to leave. He nodded, seeing little choice in the matter, and no one stopped to remember the terrifying ROUS dwelling beneath the tavern.

"What do we do then?"
"These orcs raided a village we were in the middle of raiding. That just isn't right."
"Downright disrespectful."
"So what do we do?"
"I think we.. need to raid them back. We must find these other orcs and raid them, to teach them not to raid what we were raiding."
"YEAH!"

And their course was set.

until next time,